It is hard for us sometimes – most of the time, in fact – to see that absolutely everything can and is used for the Light of all. As a matter of fact, some of you may be sitting in front of your computers reading this, thinking, ‘my life is hell, what in the heck am I doing to myself?!’ or ‘how can MY situation be anything but a big pile of cow dung?’ Well, this post is for you, then.

I will first share part of a post I wrote almost exactly one year ago on my personal diet blog, entitled ‘Fix the inside and the outside will follow’. It is relevant to this post!

It’s really funny… I look back on my past 5 1/2 years of life of struggle and realize that not one moment was in vain. Not one thing happened that wasn’t supposed to happen for some reason or another. Lots of ‘bad’ things happened that led into good: my car accident in Massachusetts in Dec 2004, which then caused me to lose my job and sent me rocketing into severe depression and PTSD, which led me to move into a building full of alcoholics and addicts in 2005, which led me into alcoholism and a very unhealthy relationship in 2006, which led me into weight gain and isolation in 2007, which led me into a state of mind that longed to be free. Which led into my doing a road trip in 2007, which led into my moving to Oklahoma to be closer to family, which led me into AA and new friends, which finally led me into questioning the constraining and fear-based religious beliefs I’d had since childhood, which led to me finally being free of them (while at the same time keeping them close with a new understanding of them) and gaining a true understanding of life, which led me into deciding that I didn’t need AA, which led to all kinds of experimenting, lots of reading of spiritual books, which led to the realization that I needed to go back to AA after all, which led me back to a group of people that are wonderful, as well as meeting a few individuals that I likely would not have met otherwise. The preceding events also led me into seeking out therapy and undergo several past life regressions, which led me into trying out meditating, which opened my mind more.

My therapists have led me into new understandings of life and myself, which has enabled me to begin healing inside – healing events that happened all the way back when I was 8 years old. Therapy has also led me into deciding to try stepping outside of my comfort zone and joining a metaphysics class. And… that, my friends, was the final catapult into my current bright, wonderful, beautiful, freeing, hopeful and purposeful state of mind that I have FINALLY arrived at.

I should mention that around the time I wrote the above, I had just started in the School of Metaphysics for the first time, and everything was bright, shiny and new. Little did I know the ego complications, reactions and fear of change and growth that would occur in the following year!

The main thing I did not realize at the time of writing the above is that I would be using my own life struggles and lessons as a basis to later help and assist other people. I figured at that time that I’d ‘reached the end’ and that everything was going to be fine and dandy from there on out.

But it was not. I went through a LOT of ups and downs over the past year. I’ve been to hell and back, experienced hopelessness, helplessness, bouts of severe depression, misery, pain, health scares and more. But I also experienced lots of joy, growth, abundance, like-minded people (which currently brings me the most joy), new awareness, higher consciousness and higher purpose in life.

It was all a jumbled mix of emotions and feelings, produced basically by my own thoughts and states of mind. All things that occur in life are started by a thought, which then causes emotion, which then causes the thought to manifest in the physical. The issue most of us face is that we are not aware of all our thoughts, so much of our life just seems to ‘happen’ despite our best effort. Even the positive thinkers who do not make an effort to discover ALL of their thoughts seem to at times go ‘to hell and back’ in their experiences. Then they later wonder why, curse themselves and curse positive thinking.

I’ll give you some examples of my own thinking that caused lifelong patterns. These, by the way, were very recent realizations that occurred over the weekend at the spiritual focus session and during this week. First of all, due to my best childhood friend ‘turning against me and turning the school against me’ in grade school at age 8, I started believing at that tender young age (unconsciously at the time) that women were not to be trusted. AND that I was a victim! Therefore, those thoughts planted a powerful seed and pattern that lasted for the next 25 years, and guess what? That’s exactly what I experienced – lots of backstabbing female pals! I was a victim over and over and over!

Another example: in 1st grade, I used to get terrible migraine headaches, which would often lead to me crying. One day when my mom came to pick me up from school while suffering such a headache, my teacher or my mom – can’t remember which – told me, ‘stop crying, you don’t need to cry’. (Or something to that effect). Guess what? For the next 22+ years of my life, I became terrified of expressing my feelings in front of people. I bottled them up, creating all sorts of illness in myself, because the emotions/thoughts have to go somewhere, and if you don’t release them, they’ll store up in your body and make you ill and/or overweight. Often if the emotion isn’t expressed at the time it comes forward, it could fester and turn into anger and/or self-pity, which will also manifest in the life, creating and drawing more and more negative experiences. I’ve only recently become able to cry in front of people.

So, much of what I created for myself over my lifetime has been experiences based on thought patterns and beliefs I’ve held since childhood. I felt I was worthless, ugly, and insignificant, among other things. And so I unknowingly created in my life many circumstances that ‘fit the bill’. (Seeing these things from a new perspective, however, I see it was all beautiful, and all for a purpose.)

It is really mind-blowing when you start delving into your childhood and plucking out the moments where you realize certain beliefs started, which then created certain patterns in your life. Think back to some of your earliest childhood memories – what happened to you? Did you get told you were worthless or ugly, therefore, planting that very belief system in your mind that sprouted and grew throughout your life? Did you (like me) get sick with digestive problems a lot, therefore setting the stage for eating problems later in life? Did your childhood crush break your heart, therefore, setting a pattern of you getting your heart broken over and over again because you believe you aren’t good enough? Were you (like me) sick a lot with digestive problems in the early years in your life, therefore, creating a unpleasant thought pattern around food?

Try this!

1. Identify something that happened to you in your childhood that was unpleasant. What thought pattern or belief did it establish within you?
2. How many times did you see the results of that thought pattern confront you, over and over throughout your life?
3. Realize this: it is nobody’s fault! Not even your own! Nobody is to blame, it is simply something that happened. Be grateful it happened, because it added to your experience in life. Sure, it may have caused untold amounts of anger, hurt, misery, pain. HOWEVER: now YOU – having identified the experience in yourself – can maybe help someone else out that is stuck in a seemingly endless pattern. Or, if you have children, you could help them NOW, before they create a lifetime pattern of their own.
4. Think of the childhood experience again. This time, be grateful. Thinking loving thoughts, send it loving, grateful thoughts. Then think of all the times it replayed itself. Send loving thoughts and gratitude towards those experiences, too.
5. Start saying a positive affirmation, at least 10-100X a day, to counteract whatever the belief is you held all this time. For example, when I realized that I had made myself a victim most of my life (due to my childhood incident), I started saying something like, “I am victorious, I trust myself, others trust me, I am the author of my life.” If you have been hurt over and over again by love interests, say, “I deserve love, I am a beautiful person who is creating opportunities for love in my life.” Don’t worry if you feel silly in the beginning or even have a hard time. We all do at first, persistence is key here!
6. Start creating new patterns in your life, based on the positive affirmations.

Please feel free to leave comments or questions about this post!