(This is a slightly edited version of a post that I did on another site).

You know how they say “water seeks its own level”? Well, obviously that is true. However, that’s not the half of it. “If you spot it, you got it” completes this equation. It’s true: every bad quality you see in another person and don’t like, well, you have it yourself AND don’t like that you have it or have had it. Even if you don’t want to admit it. The same goes for good qualities. We are attracted to others who have the qualities we want – good or bad. We are all mirrors of each other. It’s incredible once you start realizing this and looking around. It can be hard when spotting an annoying quality in another person, especially if you haven’t come to terms with the fact that you also have it.

For instance… there’s a girl that annoys me because she is always acting like she knows it all.

Hmm… don’t I do that sometimes? Um YES.

There’s a person close to me that tends to give up on things too easily and can be very negative. Am I like that? Um YES, I have been like this.

A certain person close to me is extremely annoyed by her boss, because the boss is very judgmental and hard on her. I asked this person “Well, are you judgmental and hard on others?” “No, of course not,” was the answer I got. I then asked her “Are you judgmental on the inside, or hard on yourself?” And after thinking about it, the person said with realization, “Oh my goodness yes… I am very judgmental and hard on myself.”

I recently found another person somewhat annoying because they would talk about their problems over and over again, plus over-analyze everything to the extreme. At first I couldn’t figure out why it annoyed me, because I don’t usually tell other people my problems much or go on about my problems to others for long. However, after some reflection, I realized that I do it in my own head. My mind often races about the same issues over and over and over… and I over-analyze things to the extreme in my own head! (I am currently working on changing this now that I know about it).

Here’s a few more examples… there’s a person that I tend to not like being around because they seem so… fake. And someone else that I don’t like sitting next to at 12-step meetings because they breathe too loud. How does this reflect on me? Well, if I look at myself in all honesty, yes I myself am fake at times, and as for the breathing, well, it has to do with me being overly self-conscious.

See how it works?

Try this. Think of someone right now who is annoying the heck out of you. Someone you can’t stand. Think of WHY you can’t stand them – come up with the reason. And then be honest, look at yourself, and find that characteristic in yourself. You will! And don’t forget that it could be an inner or outer thing.

Next, think of a person you love – someone with amazing qualities. Figure out what it is that they have that you have, or are in the process of developing.

The bottom line is, if you want to know what kind of person you are, take a look at the people in your life. But do this only if are ready to face the truth. Sometimes, we aren’t ready to see the truth or even admit it.

I feel incredibly blessed to have the people in my life that I do today. Absolutely amazing people. I can look around and see the issues that people in my life are struggling with. And I am struggling with similar things. I can see my own flaws and qualities reflected on them.

This can be incredibly painful if and when you are in an intense fight with someone. This recently happened to me with a good friend. (Please see my post A Very Painful Learning Experience). Absolutely everything he was doing to me, I could see that I was either doing to him, or doing to myself. The problem is that when in this situation, you have no idea how to fix things because emotions are running so high. The good news is that if you honestly identify the issue within yourself, then make a truthful and wholehearted vow to fix it within yourself, it can and will often be worked out with the other person as well.

The most amazing thing is that once you identify the behavior in yourself and start working on it, you will see the other person working on it, too. We don’t only mirror the ‘unpleasant’ stuff. Positive changes in yourself can and will be mirrored and reflected outwards, like the pond ripple effect.