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I was wandering near one of my bookcases the other evening before bedtime and this book, The Journey Home: A Kryon Parable: The Story of Michael Thomas and the Seven Angels, which I bought sometime last year, caught my eye. Usually when a book catches my eye this way, I know it means it’s time for me to read it, so I did.
I intended to just read a couple of chapters and go to bed, but the book kept me up until 2am! It was absolutely amazing. Basically, it’s a parable, a ‘fictional’ story about a man who nearly gets killed and while hovering near death, has a life-changing experience and journey. Along the way he meets seven amazing angelic beings, goes through some frightening experiences and learns a lot about who he really is. The book is great in that it really teaches some great metaphysical principles and truths while at the same time being entertaining. I could actually relate with all of the metaphysical stuff but also had some important truths reinstated within me. The story gave me a new perspective on some things as well.
The story format of the book made it so much easier to read – I absolutely LOVE books that tell a story while teaching you at the same time. (I intend to write books like this one day  ) There was one point in the story that made me burst out laughing – for those that have read this or do read this book, it’s when the main character is visiting the green-colored angel. (The taxi story that the green angel tells is hilarious and so true on so many levels). 
Anyway, if you are looking for a great story and some great metaphysical teachings, I highly recommend this book!
For many people, the words ‘mentally ill’ conjure up some pretty scary images. Stuff like… that scary-looking guy on the street corner, mumbling to himself. Or a person screaming and pulling at their hair and throwing things around their home. Or perhaps people tied down to a bed in a mental facility… or someone with matted hair and unkempt, dirty clothing, wandering aimlessly through life, barely there, not really experiencing anything; or someone on various pharmaceutical drugs for ‘bipolar disorder’, ‘social anxiety’ and a host of other problems diagnosed by their doctor, who really have no idea what is really wrong with them.
The truth is, there are many other forms of mental illness. Some of them are hidden so far down, so deep, that even the person who have them has no idea. They spend their lives doing various things to keep the thoughts and feelings at bay; they become obsessive-compulsive; they become eating-disordered; they become addicted to alcohol, drugs or other substances. They become extremely efficient in an effort to keep those growing feelings of anxiety, failure, depression and/or misery as far away as possible.
Almost everyone has some form of neurosis or other. Many people laugh about it, joke about their so-called ‘weaknesses’. But deep down, they wish they would go away.
Then there is the other type of mentally ill person… the type that this post is actually dedicated to. These people come across as so bubbly, friendly and ‘normal’ in person. They are sweet, kind, down to earth, startlingly aware and efficient. For example, if you see them in your local grocery store, they may strike up a random pleasant (and even funny) conversation with you. The conversation may be very witty and cause you to laugh and feel at ease. You may think to yourself, ‘My, this person is really friendly and helpful’, then go about your day with a smile on your face. Because the ‘mentally ill’ person knows exactly how to set others at ease. They want so desperately to be normal and feel normal that they go out of their way to please and help others. They know exactly what other people want and/or expect. Or, they just simply love others so much (even if they can’t love themselves), and therefore, they go out of their way to put a smile on other peoples’ faces.
These people know how to lie to therapists, to psychiatrists, to everyone, including themselves. Or maybe they aren’t really lying – maybe they have no idea as to the true extent of their illness. These people are so smart that their therapists and psychiatrists pronounce them well.
Many of these types love animals dearly and rely on their pets for unconditional love. Or, they rely on a healer, or teacher, or some other outside figure to help them. They hope with all their hearts that one day, they will be OK, and that the other person can fix them. Perhaps this person has tried numerous times to get better, but to no avail.
Many of this type also treat people with kindness, love and respect – for a time – until they start falling apart. Then the carefully protected seams start to unravel; the carefully wrapped paper starts loosening and falling off; they realize that they really are in the dark, they are really in trouble. The darkness begins really closing in. But don’t mistake it – even in their darkest hour – they are still able to be friendly, loving, kind and personable if needed.
But underneath it all, there is a squirming, uncomfortable, miserable existence that this type of person is experiencing. If they are working with a healer, teacher, counselor, etc, that person will get the brunt of their frustration, anger and depression.
The reason I am writing this post is because I know this type of mentally ill person very well.
How far are you willing to go in order to appear normal and happy, when inside, you are hurting badly? Yes, you could be nice to the florist, the delivery man, etc, but inside, how are you really feeling? Are you pretending to cover something up? Do you genuinely want people to be happy and loving? (I understand this and also want this!) But inside, is there still a riot going on?
You know that love you feel towards your favorite pet, or the love you feel towards someone you truly cherish and love with all your heart?
You can and should love your self that way, too!
I am not talking about narcissism or egotism; in fact, those two things are actually an overcompensation for the denial of self-love. It’s part of the human condition to not like ourselves very much; we are programmed to feel guilty, ashamed and embarrassed towards ourselves. There are many who spend a lot of time helping others but still speak and feel poorly of themselves; There are those who devote their lives to service work for others, but somehow feel they themselves don’t deserve the same level of forgiveness or love or help. There are those of us who because of an addiction or habit or because we think we need to be perfect, but have not achieved it, feel a constant disapproval, disgust and sometimes even hatred of ourselves.
For example: I know of a woman and a man who are both loving, beautiful and giving souls who actually help a lot of people in their lives, just for being who they are. Yet, they both speak poorly of themselves and speak loudly and often of their ‘character defects’. Both of them often post prayers on their Facebook pages for God to be merciful to them because they do not deserve it.
I understand that line of thinking, as it reflected my own beliefs for most of my life.
I ask those of you reading this: do you really think everyone else deserves love, but that you do not? Do you go out of your way to be kind and loving to others, but still treat yourself badly?
In the past few months, I have been on a journey of self-forgiveness and self-love. I’ve managed to forgive myself for things I’ve done that I was truly ashamed of, and realized that I, like everyone else, deserve love and forgiveness. In the process I’ve come to realize an enormous relief. But the self-love was hard; I had no idea how to love myself. Especially since lately I have felt enormous love for others, for animals, for nature and trees, etc. But somehow I couldn’t direct that love to myself. Even reminding myself that every single person walking on this planet deserves love didn’t work.
For months, I wondered: how can I learn to love myself and treat myself like I treat others? You know the golden rule, “Treat others as you wish to be treated?” Well, I had already mastered that (as a child). However, I couldn’t treat my self the same! I would be so understanding and loving to others who would come to me for advice or help.
So, during this ongoing dilemma of mine, last weekend, I attended a session at the College of Metaphysics and received an intuitive report that told me what I can do to help others. It was a dharma report that revealed what my soul and understandings can provide in the way of service to others. Since I have a very strong desire to help others, I returned home eager to get started.
This time it was different. For one thing, I was fully able to see how I had been placing myself above others because of my ‘gifts’. Instead of condemning myself, this time I forgave myself. It was time to let go of it. Once that was resolved, I decided to do service, healing and teaching for the sake of a higher cause – for God, for all of mankind, for LOVE. As a result, this week I have been able to give to others (and myself) in ways that I have never been able to do before. It opened new doors for me.
You see, I used to give and give (doing healing work, psychic work, intuitive stuff, etc) because I was trying to bolster my own self esteem and worthiness. My low self-worth was running the show. But once I started giving for the highest good of all concerned with the knowledge that I also deserve the highest good, I realized that yes, I do have a LOT I can give to others. A lot. And for once, instead of puffing up my ego with importance, I started seeing it with huge gratitude. And a little bit of duty. And also as a means of becoming prosperous and abundant. (“So as you give, you shall receive…”) Most importantly, I realized that I can use my giving as a way to learn how to love myself.
The more I give and allow myself to gratefully receive back into myself, knowing I too deserve it, the more I can learn to love myself. And in the process, love everyone else unconditionally.
This is different than giving because you feel obligated, or giving because you feel worthless and feel you owe everyone. It’s giving just because you exist and are a reflection of God; it’s giving because you truly love people and want to share the gifts you have; it’s giving because you deserve to feel good about yourself and others. It’s giving without any guilt or ego-boosting. It’s giving that fills you with joy and light and happiness, knowing you really are worth something, after all. I saw a lot of this giving over the weekend and saw a lot of radiant people. We were all radiant, myself included!
So, do I feel like I’m perfect? Of course not, but I do feel as though I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this very moment. Have I hurt others in the past? Definitely. Have I gone down dark and dangerous roads? Yes. And most importantly, haven’t I hurt myself the most in this lifetime, more than anyone else? Yes. So, don’t all these things mean that I’m a horrible person, a sinner, who should speak poorly about myself for the sake of humility? NO. As a matter of fact, every so-called detour I’ve taken, every so-called mistake I’ve made, has made me into the person I AM today.
Speaking poorly of yourself and claiming you don’t deserve love or forgiveness is NOT humility, by the way! Humility is knowing who you are, what you are and having such a strong sense of gratitude that it radiates outward to others as kindness. Humility is knowing who you really are but not having the need to convince yourself or others. 
So in conclusion – to all of you out there who feel like a sinner or a terrible person, or want to learn how to love yourself: You deserve all of the love, light, joy, kindness, compassion and gratitude that you can ever receive – and more. Just for existing, you deserve the best in life. When you pray to God using words like “I don’t deserve this love and kindness and grace”, you are accomplishing nothing productive and instead hammering in the nail of low self worth and self esteem. If you want to be a humble servant of God, as many of us do, it doesn’t mean you have to belittle yourself, hurt yourself, take from yourself or be ‘unworthy’. Why wouldn’t you deserve the same grace and love as everyone else?
My intention in writing this post is that anyone and everyone who stumbles across it will experience the truth of love on a deeper and more profound level than they ever have. Be well, give generously and forgive everything, my friends!
I posted this on my Facebook just now and wanted to share it. This is true and my personal experience for the past month:
A very wise spiritual teacher told me that 2012 is the year of ‘purging and letting go’. This person made a huge impression on me by telling me how every day, he gives at least one thing away to someone. I decided to try it out; after all, I have a LOT of STUFF to give! So, for the past month, I’ve been trying it out, giving something, every day. Sometimes, it’s a physical possessions – giving a gift to someone, or donating something; sometimes, it’s a kind few words or loving advice; sometimes it’s much needed intuitive guidance; sometimes it’s a quick “hello, isn’t it a beautiful day?” text or email; sometimes, it’s a simple smile to someone who clearly needs it. Once, it was just my presence and support for a very difficult task. So, every day for the past month, I’ve ‘consciously’ given something away, and you know what? It’s been an amazing experience. I learn something new and release a bit of what is no longer needed, both within and without, each day. Imagine if everyone in the world gave something away every day… just one small thing. What a world this would be. I highly recommend this practice for anyone with low self-esteem – what a difference you can make by just a simple giving, generous heart!
Hey all! I know I haven’t updated here in a while. I’m back in Oklahoma (after spending Friday-Tuesday in Missouri) and working on a new post for this site. It will probably be called something like “What I’m Learning About Greed”.
Last weekend was spent at the College of Metaphysics for a spiritual focus session, and then I went down to Branson for a couple of days. I got to spend some quality time with several like-minded, wonderful people, meditate with an enlightened teacher who I also consider to be my mentor, and spend lots of time in nature with trees. As a matter of fact, I have a new appreciation for nature and trees after spending this past Monday and Tuesday taking nature walks with a good friend! Tree-hugging is something I highly, highly recommend to anyone who hasn’t yet tried it.
Speaking of which, if you walk up to a tree and ask it to tell you something, it usually will. (If people are around, you can ask in your head. ) I received this on Monday from a beautiful old tree down near the dam in Branson: “Rooting yourself in simplicity and stillness will allow a higher consciousness to be received.”
I had a two hour spiritual counseling session on Sunday with the enlightened teacher/mentor, which was very enlightening and healing.
I also went to see a spiritual healer who specializes in removing entities that are attached to a person. It turns out that I needed some extra help in this area. Recently, I’ve learned how to deal with entities and even managed to release a few that have been with me for many years. However, sometimes you need outside help when you are dealing with something that is rather powerful, or at least something that you have been giving a lot of power to for a long time. So, this guy ended up removing three from me that had been causing me a lot of agony and angst. If anyone out there in the Springfield/Branson area in Missouri needs help with this, I can give you a recommendation for someone who charges only a very small fee but is very effective.
Anyway, I have already noticed a difference within myself. For one thing, some food cravings have lessened to the point of almost non-existence. Also, I can now meditate without hearing voices all the time. Certain other things have also improved. I’m keeping an eye on things and have a follow-up appointment with the guy next week. Apparently, entities can and do sometimes compromise certain parts of the body they are attached to, and over time, do some damage. In my case, it turns out my liver was compromised and working at a pretty low level (that recent blood tests actually confirm), which was keeping me quite toxic. The healer managed to raise the vibration of my liver so that it is now flushing toxins out quite rapidly, to the point that I have been actually detoxing like crazy for the past few days. It’s not the most fun thing to go through, but I’m helping things out by drinking lots of water and tea.
As for attracting entities in the first place, there are many reasons why they ‘come aboard’. In my case, I attract them naturally for various reasons. Unfortunately some of my healing and intuitive work attracts them. This is one reason that I will probably refrain from doing any of this kind of work until I have raised my vibration to a higher level and am stronger in allowing energies to pass through me. More on this later… I intend to write a long post at some point about the many reasons we attract entities, plus how to release them.
Moving on… I had to make a very important decision about the house in Sedona. I have decided to move out of it and stay in Tulsa, for now at least. Whatever I was supposed to do there, I have already done, or can accomplish before I officially move out of that house.
I am focusing on building will power and discipline in my daily life for now. Those are my main goals for the rest of this year. I apparently have soul understandings in both of these, but due to my upbringing and the same old ‘tapes’ that have played in my head (brain pathways) for years, I haven’t been drawing upon those understandings to the extent that I can. So, it’s back to daily meditations and disciplines for me: concentration, affirmations, meditation, visualization and other things that I did much of last year but fell away from this year.
Check back soon for a new post!
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